Explaining trauma to someone who doesn’t fully understand it can be emotionally draining. Whether you’re trying to communicate your experiences or educate others about the impact trauma has on a person’s mental and emotional health, it can sometimes feel like an uphill battle. As a trauma expert in Los Angeles, I understand that trauma isn’t just about the events themselves but about the long-lasting effects on the mind and body. Unfortunately, many people may not understand the nuances of trauma, and they may struggle to grasp how it affects individuals on a deeper level.
This guide is for anyone looking to explain trauma in a way that is both understandable and sustainable, without feeling drained in the process. It offers insight into how to approach these conversations with empathy, what to say (and what not to say), and tips on how to protect your energy while navigating difficult discussions.
Understanding Trauma: The Basics
Before diving into how to explain trauma to someone, it’s important to first understand what trauma is and how it affects individuals. Trauma can be defined as an emotional, psychological, or physical response to a distressing event or experience. It can take many forms—ranging from a single, overwhelming event like an accident or assault to prolonged exposure to stress, neglect, or abuse.
Trauma affects the brain and body in profound ways, often leading to symptoms like anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, emotional numbness, and difficulty trusting others. These reactions are not simply ”overreactions” but rather are the body’s natural response to overwhelming stress or harm.
When talking about trauma, it’s important to acknowledge that everyone experiences it differently. What might be traumatic for one person may not be for another. Therefore, explaining trauma in a way that fosters understanding and empathy requires careful consideration of the unique circumstances of each person’s experience.
Why Some People Don’t Understand Trauma
Explaining trauma to someone who doesn’t understand it can feel frustrating, but it’s important to recognize why this lack of understanding exists. People may struggle to grasp the impact of trauma for several reasons:
- Lack of Personal Experience: People who have not experienced trauma themselves may find it hard to understand the emotional and psychological toll it takes. Trauma can often seem abstract to those who have not lived through it.
- Cultural and Societal Conditioning: Society tends to undervalue the significance of mental health and emotional well-being. People may be conditioned to believe that emotional struggles should be overcome with “positive thinking” or “getting over it.”
- Misconceptions and Stigmas: Some individuals may have misconceptions about trauma, seeing it as a weakness or something that people can simply “move on from.” They may also believe that trauma is only linked to extreme events like war or natural disasters, not realizing that emotional or relational traumas can be just as impactful.
- Difficulty with Empathy: Not everyone is naturally empathetic, and some may have difficulty understanding others’ emotions, especially if those emotions seem complex or unfamiliar.
Given these factors, it’s important to be patient when attempting to explain trauma. Here’s how you can approach these conversations effectively, while also maintaining your own well-being.
1. Start with Clear Definitions and Examples
When you’re talking to someone who doesn’t fully understand trauma, it can help to start with clear definitions. Explaining the biological and psychological effects of trauma can make it easier for the other person to understand.
For example, you might say:
“Trauma isn’t just about a single event; it’s about how the body and mind respond to that event. It can cause lasting effects on the brain and body, sometimes leading to anxiety, depression, or PTSD. Trauma can come from many sources—like abuse, neglect, or even witnessing something violent. It’s not just about what happened, but about how it affects someone’s ability to process their emotions and trust the world around them.”
Providing relatable examples can also be effective. For instance, you can explain how trauma affects a person’s behavior or responses in everyday situations. For example, someone who has experienced trauma may react with fear or anxiety to situations that others might consider safe. Understanding that these responses are part of the trauma, rather than irrational behavior, can help people who don’t get it understand the deeper emotional and physical struggles.
2. Use Metaphors and Analogies
Metaphors and analogies can be powerful tools for explaining complex emotional concepts. By comparing trauma to something people already understand, you can make it easier for them to empathize with your experience.
Here are a few examples of how you might frame trauma using metaphors:
- The Broken Glass Analogy: ”Imagine your mind is like a glass. When something traumatic happens, it’s like the glass shatters. You might be able to put it back together, but the cracks will always be there. Those cracks might not be visible on the outside, but inside, it’s much harder to hold things together.”
- The Storm Analogy: ”Trauma is like a storm. It’s chaotic and overwhelming when it happens, and even after the storm passes, the effects linger. Sometimes it’s hard to rebuild after the storm, and even when the weather looks calm, you’re still dealing with the aftermath.”
By using these metaphors, you help the other person see trauma not as something simple to ”get over” but as a long-term, complex process.
3. Set Boundaries to Protect Your Energy
Explaining trauma to someone who doesn’t get it can be exhausting, especially if they are dismissive or unempathetic. It’s important to set boundaries to protect your emotional energy during these conversations. Here are a few tips for doing so:
- Be Clear About Your Needs: Before engaging in the conversation, let the person know what you need from them. For example, say something like, ”I’m sharing this with you because I want you to understand, not because I need advice or solutions right now.”
- Take Breaks if Needed: If you feel overwhelmed or like the conversation is draining you, it’s okay to take a step back. You might say, ”I need to pause this conversation for a moment. We can talk more later when I feel ready.”
- Limit Exposure to Dismissive Responses: If the person is not responding with empathy, consider whether it’s worth continuing the conversation. You don’t have to explain yourself to someone who refuses to listen or belittles your experience.
4. Be Patient, But Don’t Overexplain
Sometimes, people will not fully understand trauma, no matter how well you explain it. In these situations, it’s important to be patient, but also to avoid overexplanation. You don’t need to justify your experience or give a lesson on trauma every time you try to communicate it.
Instead of feeling the need to explain every detail, you can simply say:
“I understand this might be hard to grasp, but please know that this is a real, deep experience that has affected me. I can’t fully explain it, but I hope this helps you understand a little better.”
By keeping things simple and respectful of your own boundaries, you maintain your energy and your sense of self while communicating your experience.
5. Encourage Support from a Professional
Sometimes, explaining trauma to others can be too much to handle on your own. Encouraging the person to learn more from a trauma expert in Los Angeles or a mental health professional can help them understand the complexities of trauma in a deeper, more informed way. Directing them to helpful resources, books, or therapy can be a more sustainable approach for both you and them.
Conclusion: Nurturing Yourself While Educating Others
Explaining trauma to someone who doesn’t understand it can be emotionally taxing. However, by starting with clear definitions, using analogies, setting boundaries, and knowing when to stop explaining, you can communicate your experience effectively without depleting your energy. And most importantly, remember that it’s okay to seek support from a trauma expert in Los Angeles or other professionals when you need it.
Trauma is complex, and it takes time for people to fully comprehend its effects. But with patience, self-compassion, and boundaries, you can educate others while protecting your emotional well-being.
If you’re struggling with trauma or need guidance on how to navigate these difficult conversations, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trauma expert in Los Angeles for support. They can help you manage your healing process and provide you with tools to handle conversations more effectively.
